Sleepyhead

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A chronic dozer myself, i've been able to study the vast repertoire of sleepers and their sleeping patterns during our rather soporific lectures. I will say this: dozing is not as easy as it looks. A paradox? Actually not. The catch is in falling completely asleep, and not just strolling along the border between a headnod and a blank stare. The entire process is an art in itself and the rewards are needless to say, very satisfying. I'm reminded of a question Dr.Johnny Oomen asked a bunch of us when we visited him at Orrisa

What is the ischio-ocular reflex?
Ans. Continuous pressure over over the ischium causes bilateral eyelid closure.

Hmmm. Point one for honest alumni.

Five classical types have been described.
Type one. The shameless dozer.
A very interesting specimen, this group displays the most colorful features- a delight to observe; even the most diminutive member of the species is a treat to the eye. Harsher regulations and periodic poaching by lecturers have significantly reduced their numbers, which once slept in large numbers across the length of the class. They are distinguished by their incredible capacity for extreme neck extension or flexion, fully opened mouths, with muscle activity tending towards zero. They are usually seen to take up the shape of the chair they occupy, reclining in graceful abandon- hands drifting idly by the side. They are quite difficult to rouse, and generally curl up again if disturbed. It pains my heart every time i see one of those magnificent creatures chased out of its habitat by some selfrighteous rabbi. The hypocrite. Wait till you see him during the journal club meetings. Or the department devotions.

Headnodder vulgaris.
The common headnodder, or the common headbanger is one that most of us are quite familiar with. I've spent many a boring class counting the number of times a head bobs back up from a fit of sleep; the shocked dazed expression on his face is just priceless. It's a mix of wonder coupled with the shock of finding himself caught in an alien environment, vistas away from his reverie.

Then there is the quintessential ECG scrawler. My personal favorite, this has been my prefered style over this academic season for more reasons than one. Not only does it allow you to put up a brave front of diligence and enterprise, taking notes when nobody else would, it also allows one to maintain that elusive balance of sleep and dedicated nods that often imply that you have significantly grabbed the crux of the lecture topic- making the lecturer, and dozer , quite pleased with themselves. For different reasons, needless to say. Allow me the pleasure of describing the stages of such an efficient method. I've taken the liberty of grading the stages based on the depth of somnolence, and if anyone disagrees, let me remind you that this is my arbitary classification, and not to be relied upon as a authoritative source.

So.


Grade 1. a) Word constructional apraxia and atypical formations.
b)Trail effect- the terminal letters of the word taper off into a single line.




Grade 2.
Axis deviation and gross atypia.



Grade 3
Word compression and blank space formations



Grade 4
Flat line graph.




The shameless dozer, in addition to classical findings, may also exhibit ECG scrawler features, or headbang intermittently. Therefore, it is unwise to brand anyone with a permanent designation, as each class is different, each doze is unique.

What makes a good dozer? I hold that it is not just the potential to sleep at short notice, but the acuity to discern when not to sleep. Current trends, however, lean towards an unsustainable balance between the lecturer and the class. One must realize, at all costs, that the unwritten laws that guard the sleeper, that provide him legal immunity, that ensure that when he wakes up at the golden moment- the thank you slide, the click to exit slide show moment, he is free to walk out boldly, refreshed and alive- free from judgement and prosecution- those laws exist because of the mutual understanding that some have been appointed to ask questions, some to gaze in wonder, some as scribes to chronicle every word, and some to sleep. These laws stem from the knowledge that he too, decades ago, was part of a similar structure- they share a common past.
But the delicate balance is being toppled by amateurs who sleep chronically, who set up conditions of mass sleep, so that often there are no more than a couple of eyes open. The focus shifts from fond nostalgia on the part of the lecturer, to feelings of betrayal- who wouldn't feel offended if everybody slept off? Conditions like these are fodder for lobbyists who push for disciplinarian reform- in the process depriving hundreds of sleep- innumerable students will be displaced from their seats, countless others will be forced to bunk, and the institution of class will settle into the dark ages of Victorian grammar schools.

God forbid.